nm0001: after this er little performance [1.0] something very historic happened today [0.4] i went down to Oxford University [0.6] to examine as the external examiner [0.7] er [0.3] a D-Phil [0.7] on Black British writing from Equiano to [0.6] er [0.3] Linton Kwesi Johnson [0.9] and this was ver-, i felt very historic [0.2] because er [1.2] it was a student of mine an ex-student of mine who was in your class the M-A class namex [0.9] and er there we were at Oxford University the centre of [0.9] of er scholarship [0.2] [0.7] er a man of colour or as i prefer to call myself a Paki [0.5] er [laughter] examining [0.4] another man of colour whom we [0.3] jocularly call a Paki [0.6] on a Paki subject [0.9] and i really felt [0.2] terribly historic yes [0.4] and it was such a brilliant dissertation [0.8] that er [0.2] it wa-, it was er passed [0. 3] without qualification [0.7] so namex was my friend i dragged him right away he's got a gown on and you know in Oxford to be examined [0.4] the external examiner can dress up [0.4] er turn up like a slob which was what i did [0.6] er but the internal examiner has to wear [0.7] a gown [0. 5] a bow tie [0.4] the er [0.5] the er [0.2] you know [0.5] the fly swatter sm0002: a mortar board [0.2] nm0001: mortar board [0.7] so as soon as his examination was finished we had a quick glass of wine [1.3] and er another one [0.6] and got on a train [0.4] he's in my office now and some other friends of mine are going to come and meet him and we're going to take him out for a good drink tonight [0.6] and the legendary curry so you're more than welcome to come along [1.0] now what i will do now is er [0.7] just say a few things about [0.3] why i write [0.2] about slavery [0.6] by saying something about Guyana [1.9] Guyana is a [0.8] in many ways [0.7] a marginal country [1.2] marginal in the sense or peripheral peripheral [0.5] in that it's one of the most [0.3] southernly [0.6] of [1.5] British colonies [1.4] it's seven-and-a-half-thousand miles away [1.0] er [1.1] it's it's and if and London was the centre of the empire [0.5] or of the universe which it was [0.5] Guyana was seriously at the periphery [0.5] of it [0.5] being seven-and-a-half-thousand miles away [0.8] maybe a thousand-and-a-half miles south of [0.2] Jamaica [1.1] [cough] it's marginal [0.3] in another sense [0.4] in that we do actually physically live [0.4] most of us in the margins [0. 7] of the sea [0.2] and the land most of us live in a very narrow strip [0.6] of coastal land sometimes [0.3] a mile deep sometimes seven or eight miles deep [0.7] and we ha-, we we we we live in this [0.3] very thin strip of land [0.5] er behind us is the [0.4] the great Amazonian jungle [0.2] and in front of us is the [0.6] stormy Atlantic [1.0] and it's a very [0.2] precarious existence because [0.7] the er [0.3] because the [0.5] the [0.2] Atlantic is not [0.2] the blue Caribbean sea [0.5] it is a [0.3] dirty brown muddy [0.4] brown tea brown horrible [0.7] er coastal water [0.6] er threatening to look at [0.5] er largely because of the [0.5] the mud washed down by the [0.2] by the [0.5] in the Amazon and the [0.7] the er [0.2] the great Amazonian [0.3] flow towards the sea that takes all the mud with it [0.3] so for [0.2] twenty thirty miles outside of Guyana's [0.4] Guyana's coastline is is muddy water [0.5] yeah [0.2] shark infested very dangerous dangerous currents [0.9] and a-, and behind is as i said is the Amazonian jungle still pristine in Guyana [0.6] which is not a place er it's not like an English garden [0.2] obviously it's er [0.3] it's a place of dread and darkness [0.6] it's a place you we don't venture into [0.8] it's a kind of space of er [0.4] it's a kind of epistemological space almost it's it's the area of darkness [0.9] you don't go walking in a jungle [0.3] you know [1.0] [laughter] er [0.4] and of course [0.5] the waters from the from the Amazonian jungle wash down into the sea [0.8] and then you have the [0.4] the waters of the Amazon washing up [0.5] we're we're we're er [0.4] we live a perilous existence in in the sense that er [1.1] Guyana is er below sea level [1.5] and [0.6] therefore subject to [0.5] constant flooding [1.6] and i can't swim [0.7] so it becomes even more perilous you know [1.0] er it's a marginal place also in the sense that [0.4] you can't really be authoritarian in Guyana [1.5] [sigh] you see [0.3] in the rainy season [1.5] when it rains and it rains [0.4] we have a rainforest [0.4] and you know what a rainforest is [0.5] when it rains and it rains the valleys get flooded [0.9] the valleys get flooded [0.8] the v-, the valleys get flooded up to fifty sixty feet of water [0.8] the trees [0.4] get flooded up to their necks [0.8] up to the leaves [1. 1] the animals in certain parts of Guyana [0.3] [1.1] in the rainy season [0.7] the animals [1.7] cougars and the monkeys [0.3] migrate [0.9] to dry land [0.7] what was dry land becomes [0.7] almost a seascape [1.0] and [1.1] the animals migrate [1.0] and fish [1.3] all kinds of sea creatures great otters [1.2] come in where the animals [0.3] used to walk [0.7] so what used to be land suddenly becomes seascape [0.9] and of course when the rain ends [1.0] er [0.2] the fish bugger off to wherever fish go to [0.8] and the animals come back [0.5] so basically the land is inherently unstable [0.6] you can't have authority you can't have authoritarian fascist structures in Guyana [0.4] 'cause the land [1. 0] is inherently [0.8] unstable [1.0] it becomes [0.3] a seascape [0.4] in the rainy season [1.0] and all these things filter into our imaginations [0.2] i don't mean myself but [0.3] all of us as Guyanese [0.9] and if it is that we are probably [0.8] the least nationalistic people [0.7] in the West Indies [0.4] it's because of the nature of the landscape [1.3] now being peripheral [1.1] being marginal [0.7] is for us a source of strength [0.7] because you see [1.5] not a not a source of grievance [0.5] it's only until you're at the periphery [1.7] that you can tilt the plane of the centre [0.7] you know when you're in the periphery [0.6] yeah that's the centre [1.0] when you're in the centre you're settled you're fat [0.6] you're s-, you're you're you're [0.6] you're stuck right [0.7] you're canonical [laughter] [0.3] you're imprisoned you're anchored [0.6] when you're at the periphery [0.7] you can tilt the plane of the centre [0.4] you know [0.9] as i said to you before right [0.9] you could you could you could affect all kinds of movements through language [0.7] through carnival [0.4] through rioting [0.6] through whatever [0. 3] you know you could actually [0.8] you know with a bit more you could actually [0.4] and the cannon has gone you know [0.5] so being peripheral [0.8] should be a source of strength to us [0.7] and is a source of strength in terms of our writing [0.9] now [0.4] John Gilmore was there [0.6] and i'm going to read a passage about the classics and i just wanted to say something about the classics [0.6] the way that we as peripheral people [0.4] came to [0.4] the core of Western civilization [0.4] now we came to it through very debased ways [0.6] we u-, we used you know in the eighteenth century as you know [0.5] we used to be called Nero and Caesar and [1.2] [sigh] you know Plato [0.9] Aristotle [1.0] i wrote er in my first novel i wrote er er i went to school with a boy called Caesar [1.2] when i was [0.2] when i was a child i went to school with a boy called Caesar [0.9] er [0.8] he used to sell mangoes [0.4] on a Saturday [0.7] he was very poor [1.0] er so i wrote about it in in this first novel about Caesar selling mangoes on a Caribbean pavement [0.8] er [1.8] yeah we came to the classics in very debased ways [0.5] but then er as Gilmore's er research shows [1.0] eventually we re-, [0.2] we end up er [1. 9] revisualizing [1.4] or er [0.4] you know re-, reconceptualizing the classics [0.5] in the works of say Omeros [1.4] in Walcott [0.3] the [0.2] the triumph of Walcott winning the Nobel prize in ninety-two [0.5] was exactly this creolization of the classics [0.6] this revisualization of it so that [0.6] er [0.8] on the five-hundredth anniversary of [0.4] Columbus [2.5] we were able to [0.7] we were able to enrich the classics [0.3] by going beyond the pillars of Hercules [0.9] in poetry [1.5] er [2.2] but er we came to language in peculiar ways [0.4] now i'm going to read a passage about coming to language [1.6] oh one last thing why do i write about slavery [3.3] well [0.7] you can't come from Guyana [1.3] which has this admixture of different peoples [0.4] where your own culture [1.0] where your own language the language we speak at home [0. 7] is er [2.2] is impregnated [0.9] with [1.4] aspects of the African experience [0.9] slavery i always think of as [0.7] the defining and the shaping and [0.2] parent experience of the Caribbean [0.7] er [1.4] first the Amerindians the idea of eradication then the Africans and then the Indians [0.5] so you can't live in guy-, you can't be a Guyanese [0.5] without er [0.7] without consideration of the theme of slavery [0.2] in whatever form [1.0] i remember er [1.8] being braced up in some conference in London by [0.4] a very ignorant Jamaican [0.6] who said to me [0. 2] well why don't you just write about your Indian people [0.5] being Jamaican you know kind of question you field [0.8] and er [laughter] er by the way i do apologize er i sh-, i should say a pseudo-Jamaican a Rastafarian Black British [0.3] who wanted to be a Jamaican [0.9] fine so i went away and i did exactly what she wanted me to do i wrote a whole book called Coolie Odyssey [laugh] right [0.9] but of course er [0.4] you see [1.1] i've always thought [1.4] and there are kind of urien underpinnings to this [0.5] that [1.9] ancestry is not a matter of blood merely [0.8] if ancestry was just a matter of blood [0.3] then [0.5] half of you are Eskimos [0.9] yes [0.6] or Aborigines [0.7] er [0.3] ancestry can't just be defined by [0.5] by by blood heritage ancestry is also a matter of culture [1.3] and in a Guyanese context the African Guyanese if ever there's an African Guyanese [0.7] is er as much Indian as i am African [1.2] in terms of culture [0.5] terms of cultural ancestry i have no debt to pay [0.6] and i'm no longer defensive about these things yeah [0.6] er anyway i want to read this passage about er [0.2] [1.0] here is [0.3] th-, this is set in the nineteenth century a novel called [0.9] The Counting House [1.4] er [1.3] and by the way i use the word nigger and coolie [0.2] liberally [1.0] er [4.9] it's about ten minutes so after five minutes you can [0.3] go off if you want [0.6] er here is a woman called er Miriam [0.7] an African [0.8] this is just after slavery [0.7] er an African [0.3] African Guyanese er [1.3] servant woman [1.1] who was a senior servant [0.2] in the er in the er [0.4] great house [1.0] and then a younger servant a younger girl called er Rohini [0.3] Indian [0.5] who's come [0.5] who's come later [0.6] and er the two of them [0.3] and there's a kind of power relationship going on between them as to who is [0.3] who is the [0.6] who is the more ancient servant [1.3] the g-, and the g-, family are called the Gladstone family [0.3] yeah [0.2] the Gladstone family cemetery [0.6] a plot [0.3] laid with lawn [0.2] and adorned with urns of hibiscus and frangipani [0.6] was Miriam's favourite retreat [0.8] it was within the compound of the great house [0.4] surrounded by a high wall of Suffolk brick [0.4] especially shipped over from England [0.7] neither nigger [0.3] nor goat [0.9] could idle in to graze [0.5] for the entrance was barred [1.2] by an i-, iron gate [1.7] of all the workers in the plantation [0.2] including the gardeners who tended the plot [0.2] only she had the key [0.7] a special favour from Gladstone [0.7] to wander among the white dead [0.5] to unwrap her bundle of fruit [0.3] and picnic in their presence [0. 5] and when the sun was sluggishly hot [0.6] to lean up against them [0.6] this was her special privilege [0.9] the white gravestones glared at her she closed her eyes and held her breath [0.4] pretending to be the last corpse [0.7] the effort of suppressing her breath made sweat [0.6] rush to the surface of her skin [0.4] she let out the air in a loud wheeze and cackled to herself [0.5] at the thought of her livingness [0.6] fuck-arse dead white babies [0.3] no black hands to wipe their backsides down [0.4] no black lips to tune up a lullaby [1.0] she grabbed a broad leaf from off a sadu tree [0.4] and fanned her body indelicately [0.9] God was watching her through the vast cloudless sky [0.3] God [0.3] God's iris was the sky [0.3] blue like white man's [0.4] but she didn't care what he saw fifty-thousand-million white angel stars [0.3] stopped twinkling [0.2] shocked at what she and Kampta did [0.9] but blood blood-cloth to the lot of them [0.6] when she died they could blow up on her [0.4] and disperse her in particles of dust throughout the universe [0. 5] so that she could never be gathered up again [0.4] well [0.2] let that time come [0.3] amen [1.1] for the moment she was here [0.6] and fat [0.9] and Kampta was sprightly upon her [0.6] so that when they rose [0.3] no imprint was left in the earth [0.4] no definite shape which was hers [0.3] no matter how he grunted and pressed [0.3] he was still too slight a coolie [0.4] to leave a trace of her in the earth [0.2] i ain't going to bury in some nigger mound in backdam [0.4] she told Rohini [0.5] giving her a tour of the cemetery [0.4] as a way of impressing her status upon the lesser servant [0.7] you see that one over there [0.6] my one will be big and shiny so [1.5] she led Rohini to what was the most ornamental grave in the plot [0.9] the headstone was carved with cherubims holding up laurels [0.4] or blowing trumpets [0.6] at the corners of the tomb [0.3] were urns bearing a profusion of bright tropical flowers [0.3] which reflected colours onto the stone [0.3] giving it a gaiety absent from the rest of the graves [1.0] an ornamental pond [0.4] patterned with lilies lay before it [0.5] softening the appearance of the stone [0.9] they stood at the foot of the pond [0.3] looking at the tomb's reflection [0.7] fish seeped through [0.4] it [0.3] as if through stone [0.2] scaling the interior with tropical colour [0.4] the gloomy dead English body of old Mrs Gladstone lay there [0.4] but swimming within it [0.4] were bright [0.5] cubla and maju fish [0.3] the bitch didn't deserve more than dry white dust [0.4] but all good things come to white people even in death [0.6] [laughter] jellyfish and piranha would have filled the pond [0.4] if Miriam had her way who bury here [0.5] roni-, Rohini asked in a whisper [0.5] awed by the beauty of the setting [1.3] old Mrs Gladstone it say on the headset you can't read Latin [1.8] little bit [0.6] Rohini stared at the lettering [0.7] the top is the Latin [0.3] and the bottom write in English [0.3] acha [0.5] Rohini nodded in agreement [0.8] sunt lachrimae rerum [1.2] you understand that [1.5] i only learning the English more easy than what write on top [0.6] sunt lachrimae rerum to tell the truth girl [0.3] i ignorant myself what it betoken [1.0] but how you know to talk the words Rohini asked overwhelmed by Miriam's learning [1. 1] my grandpa [0.3] tell me how no nigger in this plantation blacker then he but Latin he know [0.6] what old white people used to write in book [0.7] he was stonemason and every time white man die [0.3] is my papa who they instruct to carve plaque [0.2] and letter it with Latin [0.5] they write down for him on piece paper [0.2] all over this place [0.4] grap-, [0.2] Gladstone graveyard Anglican church plantation house [0.4] my grandpa work so hard [0.5] that he learn Latin [1.0] he use [0.4] he speak nigger talk [0.3] and he speak Latin [0.7] and he use to say the two of them [0.5] cousin close like bastards from one belly [0.4] sunt is like scunt [1.3] lachrimae sound like old Mrs Gladstone name [0.3] and rerum is rear up [0.4] what preacher man does call resurrection [0.4] so the old scunt lucri-, [0.2] [laugh] lachrimae will break wind and break stone and walk the land when kingdom come [0.3] and nigger once more will scatter at her footstep [2.6] how she dead [0.3] Rohini asked [0.6] seeking a direct response from Miriam [0.4] something simpler than the story of [0.6] her grandpa's doing [1.4] childbirth [1.5] she was bearing but like the v-, child violent and kick up her stomach and kill her [1.2] Miriam looked hard at Rohini sensing the girl's withdrawal from her [0.3] she felt a sudden compassion for Rohini [0.5] for someone who still believed in giving birth [0. 9] as she once did [1.1] someone to love was what she wanted [0.7] but she got Gladstone and Kampta instead [0.2] all of them [0.5] the whole plantation of niggers and coolies [0.6] saw only her fat [0.2] and her rudeness [0.6] she Miriam was good to get drunk with [0.4] to grope [0.5] to curse [0.3] they wanted to slap [0.2] they wanted her to slap them away in mock anger [0.3] they admired her strength when they push [0.4] when she pushed them off and they fell on the rum shop floor [0.4] a humiliation more acceptable [0.3] than that suffered at Gladstone's hand [0.3] she knew her status among them [0.4] as someone who could roam among the master's possessions [0.3] and throughout his estate [0.3] with the freedom they lacked [0.7] they provoked her to outrageous deeds [0.3] for every show of rudeness [0.3] was a sign of their own desire [0. 9] to begin with she accepted her status dutifully [0.6] for the sake of restoring their pride [0.3] she was looking after her three abandoned brothers [0.4] and she would take in the rest of the tribe she would nurture them [0.7] all until they grew strong enough to survive on their own [1. 7] she remembered her grandpa coming home [0.4] with a bruised mouth [0.7] because a big word he had acquired from some gravestone [0.3] had slipped out in the presence [0.3] of a white man [0.3] who took his learning as a sign of arrogance [0.9] for weeks after [0.3] her grandpa would talk like a nigger [0. 7] using a dozen small words at the most [0.4] and mispronouncing them ignorantly [0.9] only when his mouth was healed and the pain diminished [0.4] would he try out the odd phrase [0.4] and even so [0.4] muttering to himself each morning she went into the adjoining yard where he lived [0.4] with a bowl of boiled plantains for his breakfast [0.3] he was once inside his hut [0.8] sharpening his chisel for the day's work [0.3] when the file slipped [0.3] and injured his thumb he screamed some Latin [0.3] involuntarily when she rushed in [0.3] he raised his mouth protectively to his mouth [0.4] and babbled apologies [0.4] as if expecting a white man [0.9] the shame on his face afterwards was a nigger shame [0.7] it was inscribed on all their faces she had always seen it [0.4] even when they twisted their looks to feign anger or revengefulness [0.3] the louder they slapped their hands down on the rum shop table [0.3] the more clearly [0.3] the scars of their humiliation showed [1.0] but the burden of sustaining their pride [0.4] was outweighed [0.9] by shame for their cowardice [0.6] only Kampta was deserving of her [1.0] for all the beatings from Gladstone he came and went as he pleased he would as-, he would abscond from the plantation on a whim [0. 4] and disappear into the bush they were all terrified of the bush [0.4] the white man had made them clear the land [0.3] creating paths digging canals [0. 2] he gave them a space within the estate [0.3] which they became habituated to [0.5] each morning they left their logies [0.3] and walked down certain dams to their assigned portions of canefields [0.3] each evening they returned home [0. 4] along familiar paths [0.3] new generations arose [0.3] but they too moved in the same direction [0.3] for the same purpose [0.2] they felt secure within the design of Gladstone's estate [0.3] the boldest dared to trespass in the forbidden spaces [0.3] within the estate [0.4] received their lashes when caught [0.3] and retreated back to their logies [0. 3] not even the boldest dared to test its boundaries [0.3] though by entering [0.3] through by entering the bush at the back of the estate [0.9] er except Kampta he cast off his clothes [0.3] and joined up with the Amerindian tribes living savagely on their diet of raw meats [0.3] he took up bow and poisoned arrow with them [0.5] hunting labba and bush hog [0.7] when game was scarce he scavenged [0.4] with them for [0.2] skels worms rats whatever lurked in holes in the ground [0.3] and when he tired of the degradation of their lives [0.4] he abandoned the bush people [0.3] and returned to the haven of the estate [0. 5] where there was rum [0.7] and where the flesh of woman was to his mind [0.4] less rank in smell [0.4] less coarse in texture [1.5] he took his punishment from Gladstone [0.3] and then settled down to a period of work he entered Miriam's hut [0.4] and assumed his previous space without permission [0.3] he organized her brothers into a gang [0.3] making Thomas shave his head [0.3] and scarify his face [0.3] to show his African roots [0.2] he taught them coolie words all obscene [0.3] since they had lost their original language [0.5] under his strict supervision they practised throwing knives at young coconuts [0.3] until the blade struck first time [0.3] they exercised by climbing and reclimbing trees [0.3] to pick more coconuts when he felt they were prepared [0.6] devoted to him in mind and body [0.4] he let them loose at night [0.3] to steal wood from the fence [0.2] surrounding the great house [0.3] or tools from the warehouse [0.7] with the money from the sale less a percentage for the boys [0.4] he disappeared to nigger villages along the coast to make sport [0.7] Miriam was glad to see him go [0.4] for she felt that she was secretly afraid of him he loved her only because she belonged to Gladstone [1.1] she could tell from the way he insisted on taking her at night [0.2] to the cemetery [0.4] always beside her on top of old Mr Gladstone's grave [0.7] he would turn her around and press her against the cold surface deliberately [0.6] so that she would cry out he took pleasure in bruising her skin against the stone [0.3] she could so easily shove him off [0.4] for she was stronger than him [0.8] but she permitted it [0.9] one night in [0.2] i-, er in unfulfilled rage [0.3] he would go too far [0.4] and close his hands around her neck she knew it would happen [0.4] for he tested her tolerance by gradual degrees [0.5] and when it happened [0.4] she would knock him off t-, [0. 3] she would knock him to the ground coarsely [0.5] as she had once turned on Gladstone [0.5] leaving him sprawling at the foot of his couch [0.3] utterly terrified [0.4] by what else she might do [0.5] she had stood above Gladstone [0.3] both hands behind her back [0.5] as if concealing a weapon [0.6] he had looked [0.2] up at her [0.4] not knowing whether to command her [0.4] or to negotiate for his safety [0.4] she had reached down [0.2] plucked him up [0.5] laid him on the couch again [0.6] and left him there [0.4] to regain his authority [0.7] whilst considering [0.4] the nature [0.2] of her services [1.6] so that was a chapter from er [0.8] this Counting House book right [1.1] by the way i should say as a writer [0.6] it gives you great pleasure [0.6] late at night [0. 4] when everybody is sleeping [0.8] to er [0.5] to just er [1.0] to really write your neuroses 'cause when you write slavery [0.4] or when do you when you write anything [0.4] what you're really doing is writing your own neuroses [0. 7] yes [1.0] and then er [0.5] you get paid for it [0.8] [laughter] [0.5] you know sometimes [0.5] pe-, i was saying to a friend of mine today we were talking about writing [0.6] er [1.3] you need a motive to write [1.3] and you have to choose the basest motive [1.1] 'cause the romantics have [0.2] taken up [0.2] the noblest motives [0.2] yes [0.8] and the basest of motive is when i'm short of money [1.7] and i think if i write a novel of say [0.7] hundred-and- fifty pages [0.3] i get a hundred pounds a page [0.4] yeah fifteen-thousand pounds royalty [0.4] so i'm going to go to the library and make a hundred pounds [0.4] today [1.1] and in a in a peculiar way [0.8] especially when you're writing about slavery [laughter] i [laughter] the commerce drives you [1. 2] to finish the page [0.5] and then you get up [0.5] and then you think well that's my hundred pounds [0.3] tax free [0.8] yes [0.5] and if you do two pages you think yeah [0.2] that's two-hundred pounds [1.0] dead easy money [0.4] you know it's like Equiano [0.7] er [1.0] capitalizing upon himself [0.7] yeah [0.2] by writing himself [1.1] right er [1.9] you don't have to write about slavery directly [0.9] obviously but everything we [0.2] we write about [0.6] has to do with that kind of history [0.8] er this is a passage from the first novel it's about [0.6] two boys [0.4] one is very [0.2] aggressive [0. 6] er [0.9] one's very aggressive [0.2] sexually aggressive he's about eighteen [0.9] and er [0.9] sexually in adv-, well not in advance of his age [0.7] but er [1.2] sexually [0.3] er [0.5] vulgar [0.8] yes [1.0] vulgar [0.2] you know [1.3] and a younger boy who was er [0.4] about seventeen who's doing his A- levels [1.1] and is obsessed with the idea of romance [0.3] he's doing his A- levels on Troilus and Criseyde [1.1] Chaucer's er Troilus and Criseyde the great [0.3] C-S Lewis says the great [0.9] y-, a great poem in praise of love [0.4] i don't know have you read Troilus [1.2] eh it's er in Chaucer [0.3] yes it's a it's an enormously beautiful story in case you don't know briefly [0.9] the Trojan war is going on [0.7] it's like the Titanic sinking [0.4] you have a love story [0.5] the love story [0.2] is the prince of Troy [1.6] Troilus [0.9] and this beautiful [0.6] woman who was a a noblewoman called Criseyde [0.2] and they love each other [0.4] in a very er courtly way [0.2] there's no sex involved just love [1.1] er though he would want it very much [0.8] er [1.1] and then [0.2] eventually [0.6] she abandons him [0.7] for a man called Diomede [0.4] [1.9] [sigh] [1.6] because she's afraid [0.6] that she would be killed [0.9] when the Greeks win [0.9] yes [1.0] and because we are reading the story we know her tragedy we know the Greeks have won [0.8] so she abandons him for gri-, Diomede [0.6] and poor Troilus just goes out and gets himself killed [0.5] gets on his horse you know all [0.4] kind of all courtly [0.7] and he goes and gets himself killed right [0.5] so here are two boys [0.4] er [0.2] one called Shah who's going to a sex shop [1.3] and this other young chap [1.0] who is unnamed who is er kind of concerned about er [1. 1] about romance [0.8] and although this is [0.2] the the s-, [0.3] the idea i suppose was that the sex shop was a kind of commer-, the commerce of the sex shop [0.7] was a kind of er [1.0] and there's a thing about whores in a in a in a booth a set of booths right [1.6] it's [0.2] i-, in a sense it was a kind of a slave slave er [0.3] slave setting [6.6] yeah [0.2] [1.3] come with me to the hospital he urged [0.2] me [0.4] one day [1.1] what's the matter i wanted to know [1.0] man trouble [0.4] he said [0.2] smiling proudly [0.6] that Italian slag gave me an itch [1.2] i've got to get it checked out [0.7] he had called round the previous week and persuaded me to accompany him to the West End [0.4] where he said [0.2] he had to purchase [0.3] a special set of magazines [1.1] now what are you reading now he asked [0.5] as i put down the book [0.3] and reached for my jacket [0.4] i was labouring over Troilus and Criseyde [0.3] reading an essay on Criseyde's character [0.7] you love this rubbish eh he laughed you'll end up an old professor wanking by the fireside [0.6] putting aside your pipe and warming up your hand first [0.5] i should say this is not a [0.4] autobiographical work [laughter] in any s-, in any way right [laughter] er [0. 6] sm0003: you've said that before [laughter] nm0001: warming up your hand first [0.5] [laughter] i looked at him sternly [0. 9] only a joke man he said [0.2] with mocking reassurance only a joke [0.9] i sat on the bus deep in thought trying to work out why she should have betrayed him so easily [1.2] why after all those pure shy exchanges the secret glances desperate kisses [0.4] aching hearts poetic letters swearing honour and devotion [0.3] the desire to lay down fortune and life for the sake of love [0. 8] why she should have abandoned him for Diomede [0.9] it's not enough to say we are human i thought [0.5] there must be something more to us some higher quality [0.4] that we can [0.2] only possess if we willed it believed it [1.0] i knew that Shah's response would have been [0.5] she was a cunt [0.6] that Troilus dreamed over [0.4] and his imagination refashioned into a pool of pure rainwater [0.3] flecks of diamond glittering from below the surface [0.3] as he leaned over to admire his face [1.0] but she was only a cunt-doll [0.3] just another pussy [0.5] salty and oozing and begging for [0.3] knight Diomede's prick to lance her [0.7] er [0.2] Shah talks like this throughout the novel right [0.4] in the end she wanted to be frigged [0.5] not fondled by a gentle Troilus [0.2] or smooched at by his wet words [0.5] what Troilus needed was to catch a rash [0.6] and be a man [2.0] we got off at Piccadilly Circus [0.3] oh by the way you'll have to edit all of this because he's making a film for the University of namex right [0.5] [laughter] om0004: nm0001: [laughter] we got off at Piccadilly Circus [0.4] headed down some back streets [0.6] and came to an area littered with sex shops [0.8] massage parlours and cinemas [0.6] it was a wonderland [0.6] of coloured lights [0.2] flicking on and off in shop windows [0.7] amusement arcades packed with machines that flashed and uttered electronic sounds [0.4] and large billboards of women [0.3] offering their naked flesh to us [0.4] the proprietors stood in the doorways [0.2] beckon us ing-, beckon us i-, us in [0.4] bawling out their wares of peepshow girls striptease videos toys [0.3] Shah moved through this playground with ease [0.4] stepping over the odd drunk sprawled across the pavement [0.4] weaving between the bags of rubbish put out by restaurants [0.3] winking at the girls waiting at street corners [0.6] i followed raggedly [0.2] squirming with self- consciousness [0.4] staring ahead [0.4] as if i was an innocent traveller [0.4] on my way [0.2] to another destination [1.3] come on [0.5] he turned round [0. 2] and shouted [0.3] as i passed a shop window [0.4] trying to catch sight of the display from the corner of my eye [0.7] guilt quickened my steps [0.2] and i caught up with him [0.6] we turned into another street [0.3] and crossed over to a sex shop [0.4] Shah's local [0.6] he entered confidently [0.4] not pausing to look left or right as i did in case some some someone saw us [0.3] i saw nothing as i entered [0.4] putting on a serious face [0.3] and looking at the floor [0.3] the walls at Shah [0.4] anywhere but at the racks of magazine and sex toys [0.2] i stayed close to him out of fright [0.4] as he lined up with the other male customers [0.3] and thumbed through the magazines i picked one up idly [0.3] and flicked the pages [0.3] again seeing nothing [0.5] after a while [0.3] i put it down and picked up another [0.4] not wanting to appear too engrossed in one article [0.4] for the proprietor was staring in our direction [0.7] Shah glanced over [0.2] saw the pictures [0.3] and immediately [0.2] took the magazine from my hand [0.3] putting it back on the shelf [0.2] that's for queers can't you see they'll think we're a couple of poofs [0.6] he whispered [0.5] i looked at the magazine cover and noticed the photograph of one man leaned over a bench with another man spanking him [1.3] he reached for the rack and pushed another magazine in my hand relax relax he urged under his breath [0.4] as i fumbled with the pages it was full of pictures of a black woman [0.3] standing imperiously over a white man [0.3] lying on a sofa [0.2] who was trussed up with ropes chains and blindfolds [0.7] i could feel my shyness waning [1.2] sight returned to my eyes five minutes had elapsed [0.4] since we entered the shop [0.3] and the longer we stayed the more secure i felt [0.6] i put back the magazine and wandered [0.4] around to the next rack without [0.2] waiting for Shah to accompany Shah to accompany was crammed with mysterious devices [0.3] i picked up a box of plastic spheres shaped like eggs [0.5] and read the instructions [0.4] marvelling at the language of the blurb [0.6] which promised excitement [0.3] beyond the grasp of the wildest imagination [0.9] i wished i could write like that [1.7] there was a peepshow at the far corner of the shop [0.2] with three individual booths occupied by men [0.3] their feet fidgeting against the curtain [0.7] as soon as one of the booths was free i slipped in [0.2] reached into my pocket [0.4] and drew out some coins [0.8] i wasn't sure what to do [0.9] i felt about blindly from so-, for some slot and to my great relief [0.2] found one beside the aperture [0.8] i waited awhile for my eyes to get accustomed to the darkness [0.5] and searched the area around the slot for further instructions [0.7] there were none [0.8] out of desperation and fearful that there was [1.3] probably a queue of impatient men behind me [0.5] i slipped some coins into the slot [0.4] small ones to begin with [0.7] so as not to overpay [0.7] but as the aperture did not open [0.2] i ventured a ten pence coin [0.9] then another [0.5] and another [0. 2] still nothing happened [0.8] i looked forlornly at the few coins left in my hand some twenty-five pence enough for the bus fare home and a cup of tea what to do i had already used up a small fortune [0.3] there were at least four days before the next Social Security cheque arrived [0.5] and in the meantime [0.6] i had only two pounds at home to buy [0.2] food [0.6] i lingered in the booth calculating [0.4] knowing that it was better to cut my losses by leaving [1.0] i pressed my ears against the steel wall [0.5] hoping at least to hear [0.4] what the woman behind was doing [0.4] since i could not see her [0.4] in a fit of desperate desire [0.4] i put my remaining coins in [0.7] the aperture remains [0.2] obstinately closed [0.8] i imagined i could hear mocking laughter from the woman behind the wall i searched frantically in my pocket [0.3] found my door key and pressed its sharp edge against the aperture [0.3] trying to force it open [0.4] it slipped against the steel with a screeching noise i froze [0.4] expecting any moment that an alarm would go off [0.3] the lights would be switched on [0.3] and i would be dragged out and humiliated [0.3] in full view of all the customers in the shop [1.2] i waited a few seconds nauseous with fright [0.6] composed myself in a massive effort of will [0.5] pushed aside the curtain [0.4] and walked blindly towards Shah [1.4] and so it goes on with this kind of er [0.3] this idea of er [4.7] a genuine really shock that i had when i was about nineteen [0.6] and that passage is very autobiographical [0.7] a very genuine shock that i had [0.9] when i first saw in England something called a sex shop [2.4] and er my friend [0.5] Shah figure [1.0] the Shah figure took me and it was genuinely i mean God i mean we're all grown up now but [0.9] you never ever thought [0.3] that you can have something called sex and something called shop together [1.1] [laughter] do you know [0.4] a shop a sex shop [0.6] and er i i i remember being utterly puzzled and bewildered by this er [0.3] not morally but more intellectually kind of bewildered by this [0.5] er it's only much later in life do you realize that that's as [0.3] when i was reading out to you the Thomas Thistlewood [0.4] passages that's that's Thistlewood you know [1.0] er except that we are now exploring it [laughter] [0.4] er [0.8] i think we'll take a little cigarette break and then i'll end up by reading some Turner [1.0] yeah [0.7] or i'll read one last passage and then er [0.2] we'll we'll er [0.8] we'll er this is from the new novel which is still in er [1.0] type form [1.7] and this is a [1.1] this is a novel about slavery [0.6] it's a novel about er well yeah it's a novel about slavery where er [1.6] [sigh] where i wanted to do something grotesque with slavery [1.1] and suggest that [0.2] er [1.0] and to suggest that er [0.2] a kind of grotesque beauty [1.3] a grotesque beauty [2.5] almost a perverse beauty could could er [1.3] could result [0.5] from slavery very dangerous idea [1.2] which you can't work [1.1] ideologically [0.3] or philosophically [0.9] you can only do it in art where art confuses everything [0.9] so art creates a kind of ambiguity [0.5] whereby you could say [0.3] that something beautiful emerges from slavery [0.8] anyway [0.2] this is a [1.6] i have to unpublished so [laughter] so er [0.7] it's still subject to er [3.0] critical beatings [2.1] er [2.9] there [0.3] there's a whole lot of [0.3] dead people they're all dead actually [0.8] but they come to life and they're on this slave ship [4.3] and the captain is called Thistlewood i use Thistlewood [3.7] but i'm just reading this passage as as more a sort of you know straight passage about slavery [6.6] i lock myself in the cabin [0.3] and await his coming [1.1] but instead [0.2] a mist seeps through hidden spaces [0.5] and forms the shape of Ellar and Tanda [0.2] and Kaka [0.5] and Manu [1.0] Ellar's skin [0.2] is flayed [0.5] by a sailor's whip [0.2] she is streaked with colour [0.5] like a mask of desire [0.9] she's gaudy [0.2] with bruises [0.7] she wears the swelling of her lips and cheeks [0.3] like haughty ornaments [0.8] it is i who marked you all with the sign of evil she announces [0.4] Kaka lies how can a beggar destroy the world [0.9] and as she twirls around to confront him [0.5] the folds of her skin loosen and lift [0.4] and dazzle [0.5] with the colours of her suffering [0.9] Kaka [0.2] gasps of the sudden revelation of Ellar's beauty [0.7] he who knew her hitherto [0.4] as the plainest of women [0. 5] deserving of admiration [0.4] only from a base creature like himself [1.3] and as Ellar faces Kaka [0.4] she too is astonished by his image [0.6] as if the comely man she sought all her life had suddenly materialized [0.8] she lowers her eyes overcome by shyness [0.2] speech abandons her [0.8] Kaka's head [0.4] is a palette of colours [0.8] before his head [0.3] shone monotonously monotonously like a constant sun [0.5] tiring to look at [0.6] but Captain Thistlewood had banged his fist into it [0.4] obliterating the light [0.4] in place of an ordinary roundness [0. 4] his head was indented in places [0.4] small pockets bearing unfamiliar liquids [0.4] raven black [0.5] the pink of coral [0.4] rouge of crab-back [0. 6] bubbling up through hidden spaces [0.4] rubies of congealed blood [0.3] hang from his ears [0.4] here and there glimpses of clean white bone [0.4] exposed by the Captain's cuff [0.5] subdue the viewer's eye [0.6] necessary foil [0.3] to the decorative richness [0.2] which threatens to overwhelm [0.9] Ellar [0.3] unable to face him [0.4] lest he is an illusion of beauty [0.5] turns to Manu for guidance [1.2] Manu is the kind of magician of the village Manu opens his mouth [0.6] but he has swallowed too much sea water [0.2] to speak [0.9] in his desperation to reach the shores of Africa [0.4] Manu jumps overboard [0.3] in his desperation to reach the shores of Africa [0.3] he drank as much sea as he could [0.3] to shorten the distance [0.6] instead of words [0.2] fish tumble out [0.6] gorgeous and bizarre [0.4] and dreadful in shape and hue [0.6] and mingling among the catch [0.3] worms sea snakes [0.2] sponges [0.4] and other nameless life [0.5] the new nameless and exotic world [0.3] he carries in his belly [0.5] spills out onto the floor [0.4] confronting them [0. 3] with a spectacle [0.2] of their own transformation [1.0] Manu himself stares at what lies before him [0.3] as he would stare as it [0.2] at his magical pebbles [0.5] but out of stupefaction [0.3] not wisdom [0.7] each secretly [0. 3] longs for the familiarity [0.4] of their ordinariness [0.5] instead of the artifice [0.5] that Captain Thistlewood [0.2] had made of their lives [0.4] hence Tanda's sudden cry and agitated recognition [0.3] of a particular fish look [0.2] look a tabla [0.4] he gestures [0.9] as a flat [0.2] dull looking fish [0.4] then another [0.3] slithers from Manu's mouth [0.4] and falls onto the floor [0.9] we all stare at the tabla [0.6] a common river fish [0.4] which often swelled the net of Tanda's wife [0.4] and the realization [0.2] that Manu had reached Africa [1.2] makes makes us weep [1.0] he had swum and swum [0.4] swallowing up the distance [0.4] until he reached the mouth of the rid-, river [0.4] lea-, leading to our village [0.5] once more we turn to him for guidance [0.5] wanting news of our village [0.6] we want him to prophesy [0.2] but backwards [0.3] into the past [0.5] into a time [0.4] when we were still whole [0.5] a time before Kaka's lies [0.3] or Ellar's blood curse [0.3] or my sinning with Saba [0.3] or whatever it was that caused us [0.3] to be murdered by the white man [1.7] our nostalgia conjures forth [0.2] other villagers from the mist [0.4] they crowd into Captain Thistlewood's cabin [0.3] swarming around Manu [0.4] looking upon him with renewed reverence [0.3] for his epic effort [0.2] to reach home [0.7] he who once failed [0.4] to foretell our loss [0.5] had found the saving trail [0.3] back to our home [0.4] jubilation breaks out in [0.3] Captain Thistlewood [0.4] restricted and Christian cabin [0.7] Baju's nostrils [0.3] clogged with dirt from the assault of sailors [0.3] clears mysteriously [0.6] she raises her nose [0.2] to the air [0.4] and sniffs [0.2] dawn mushrooms [0.3] and the flowers' first opening [0.4] and the breath of a newly dropped calf [0.7] the closed air of the cabin [0.4] are scented with goat droppings [0.3] of the raw earth [0.3] of a freshly dug trench [0.5] she detects shrimps peeled [0.3] and ready to be fried [0.4] fish hooked on twigs [0.3] waiting to be smoked [0.3] dough that soon will be sugared and baked [0.3] and all the other preparations [0.3] that mark the beginning of day [1.2] and the smells and tastes of our village [0.3] so revive our senses [0.3] that speech returns [0.5] not in the grunting of white man [0.5] but in the melody [0.4] of our own language [1.0] good [2.2] cigarette break now nm0001: er [0.3] [1.9] yeah [1.2] all right i'll end up by er [3.1] by reading [0.2] some passages [1.0] from this long poem called Turner [2.3] which i published i think in er [0.2] ninety-four [0.4] which took me about five years to write [0. 8] about nineteen-ninety to about nineteen ninety-three [1.3] four years yeah [0.9] because er unlike prose which which you well prose you have to work at it er you know you have to nag it [0.9] you have to work at it [0.6] er [0.8] on a regular basis [1.2] because there's a kind of plot [0.7] therefore the plot has to have a [0.2] momentum [0.8] therefore the momentum has to have a conclusion [0.7] so in a sense writing prose [0.4] is easier [1.5] in terms of er [1.3] discernible parameters [1.2] and boundaries than er than writing poetry so this took me a long time to write [0.8] er [0.5] and er it's it's a poem called Turner [0.6] by the way before i mentio-, before i return i should like to welcome my accountant [0.2] namex [1.0] the chap with a suit [1.3] [laughter] i was talking about royalties earlier today [0.5] well he makes sure that i don't pay too much tax on them [0.8] and er [laughter] [0.4] well welcome namex yes [0.5] i mean it's not very often you do a reading and your accountant turns up right [laughter] he's been my my accountant for what five years now [0. 8] yeah [0.2] namex the taxman [0.4] er [0.9] we're being antisocial not paying our taxes [0.5] anyway er [0.2] Turner is not about slavery [0.4] Turner is about Turner this po-, this this this [0.2] this poem is about Turner [0.8] it's about [1.0] it's about er [0.6] Turner's painting and slavery [0.5] rather than [0.4] me writing on slavery [1.7] and er basically [0.4] in eighteen- thirty er [1.5] thirty eighteen-forty [1.0] eighteen-forty [0.7] Turner [0.6] and he was obviously painting this painting for many years [0.6] er [0.2] created [0.2] his masterpiece [2.2] generally acknowledged to be the greatest Turner [1.0] Ruskin [0.3] Turner's apologist and critic said this was the greatest painting [0.5] in England [0.5] and it's the greatest Turner the subject of which was the [0.7] the er throwing overboard of slaves [0.4] which i don't have to go into but you know what that [0.2] what that involved right [0.5] so er [0.7] er [0.2] and it's based on a case in the seventeen-eighties i think [0.3] about this the Zong case where [0.5] all of the slaves was thrown overboard [0.7] er and their insurance value was reclaimed [0.4] er [1.5] and of course i can i think i'm right in saying that [0.5] a whole lot of slaves [0. 5] African enslaved people [0.6] many more died probably [0.8] er after the abolition of slavery [0.9] than during well perhaps you can't count it but you know because it was illegal [0.6] and you got a pirate ship and a whole lot of slaves going to Hispaniola [0.6] and a British frig-, frigates are chasing you down [0.3] you just chuck your cargo right it's like [0.2] dumping cocaine [0. 5] basically right [0.9] so er [0.5] anyway Turner [0.4] did this fantastic painting [0.6] i mean a m-, [0.2] big i mean it's as big as er it's big [0.2] yeah [0.7] and in the middle of it [0.2] is a ship [1.3] er [0.4] caught in a storm [0.7] and you know that Turner is brilliant at storms right so the ship is caught in a storm it's caught between the immensities of sea and sky [0.8] and and the s-, the sky is absolutely [0.4] livid and and er [0.2] purple and [0.7] you know crimson [1.0] bloody sky there's a bloody sea [0.4] right [0.8] it's enormously [0.2] passionate and er [0.6] at the time it was called the sublime style [0.2] yeah [0.4] but it's an enormously passionate er storm [1.0] so the sea is caught the the ship is caught in a storm in the mid-ground [1.4] in the foreground [0.7] there are these two little black legs peeping out of the water [1.1] er [0.8] very important footnotes in British history [1.0] yeah [0.9] perhaps [0.8] some of the most important footnotes in British history but they're [0.3] they're very much footnotes in the painting [0.7] couple of black legs sticking out [0.2] of the water [1.0] and there's some [0.2] some kind of [0.2] kind of a [1.4] neo- Gothic [0.9] fish coming to gobble them up [0.8] now those black legs are the Africans who drowned drowned head first right [0.8] or in the painting they're drowned head first all i do really [0.8] was er [0.5] you know i just wanted to write a [0.4] a poem about this painting [0.7] was to awaken the dead African [1.2] [2.7] and er [1.4] to give him a longing [0.9] for [1.6] er [0.5] land [0. 9] memory [1.0] er land family [0.5] er [3.2] er so [0.2] basically what i do is [0.8] in a sense it's like Pincher Martin [0.2] you know that novel [0.6] by er [1.2] Golding [0.8] where a dead person is awakened [1.0] so [0.5] i do a Pincher Martin with the African [1.3] he's awakened [0.4] he's been dead for about three-hundred years [0.6] no he's been dead for about er eighteen-forty to today [0.4] hundred-and- fifty years [0.5] so he's now awakened [0.8] so [0.3] when you've been dead for a hundred-and-fifty years [0.6] what do you remember what do you long for [0.8] you know in this in this poem he doesn't he doesn't even have language he [0.4] he he tries to recover a sense of the language [1.2] after a while he even doubts he's a man [1.0] he's been dead for so long [0.7] and the sea has transformed him [1.0] so halfway through the poem he thinks perhaps he's a woman [0.7] [laugh] [1.0] er [0.4] so these are passages in which er [0.7] this is the first passage is [0.7] where he awakens as it were [1.1] er the other part of the poem is that a dead [0.4] and a er is it dead it's er aborted no not abor-, stillborn a stillborn [0.6] a stillborn child [1.0] is thrown overboard as well [0.8] not in the Turner painting [0.2] but in another painting [0.3] in another ship [0.9] and another century [0.7] and the whole poem is about the movement of this stillborn child [0.4] towards this awakened African [1.4] and er explores the possibility of some kind of connection across time across paintings [0.8] er [0. 3] between a possibility of a relationship between this er [0.7] stillborn child [0.3] and this er [0.3] awakened dead African [0.5] so obviously it's a bloody crazy poem [0.7] and what i really wanted to do was not to write about slavery [0.6] 'cause you see to write about slavery [1.3] is to evoke guilt [0. 6] automatically [1.0] yeah [0.6] it's like to write about the Holocaust [0.4] it's automatically [0.8] if i if i wrote about the Holocaust and did a reading in Germany [1.1] even if i'm writing shit [0.9] yeah [0.9] the Germans will listen silently [0.9] yeah [0.6] so because i live in the West [1.1] i didn't really want to write about slavery [0.9] because you [0.2] y-, [0.3] because your writing can suffer [0.8] you know [0.9] because people don't e-, [0.3] people don't impose a set of literary criteria [0.4] that they might impose on say er [1.5] i can't even think of an English writer [0.2] but you know an English writer [0. 3] yeah [0.6] and i didn't want to write [0.5] slavery in a in a in a direct way that's why i wrote about the painting [0.6] anyway this is er [1.7] this is where he kind of misses his mother or tries to recreate [0.5] a sense of mother [2.0] so i'll read about three or four passages and [0.4] and as i said the idea was to write about the sea i thought what i will do instead of writing about slavery [0.4] write about the sea because the sea [0.5] in the same way as the [0.2] stories collide into each other [0.4] in in the poem so [0.3] you know that that was meant to reflect the [0.5] the kind of the way the sea [0.4] moves [0.3] things crashing into [0.8] crashing into each other [1.0] the sea has brought me tribute from many lands [0.8] chests of silver [0.7] barrels of tobacco [0.5] sugarloaves [0.5] swords with gleaming handles [0.4] crucifixes set in pearls which [0.3] marvelled at [0.5] but with the years grown rusty and mouldy [0.4] abandoned [0.4] cheap and counterfeit goods [0.5] the sea has mocked and beggared me for centuries [0.6] except for scrolls in different letterings [0.4] which before they dissolve [0. 6] i decipher as best i can [1.0] these and the babbling of dying sailors [0.4] are my means to languages [0.3] and the wisdom of other tribes [0.7] now the sea has delivered a child [0.4] sought from the moon [0.3] in years of courtship [0.6] when only the light from that silent full eye saw me [0.4] whilst many ships passed by indifferently [0.2] she hides behind a veil [0.3] like the brides of our village [0.3] but watches me [0.2] in loneliness and grief [0.3] for that vast space [0.3] that still carries my whisper to her ears [0.3] vaster than the circumference of the sea [0.4] that so swiftly drowned my early cries in its unending roar [0.3] there is no land in sight [0.3] no voice carries from that land [0.4] my mother does not answer [0.3] i cannot hear her calling [0.3] as she did when i dragged myself to the bank of the pond [0.4] my head a pool and fountain of blood [0.4] and she runs to me screaming [0.5] plucks me up with huge hands [0.3] lays me down on land [0.4] as the sea promised in early days [0.4] clasped and pitched me sideways [0.3] in the direction of our village [0.3] my dazed mind thought [0. 4] across a distance big beyond even Turner's grasp [0.8] he sketches endless numbers in his book [0.5] face wrinkled in concentration [0.3] like an old seal's mouth [0.3] brooding in crevices of ice for fish [0.3] like my father counting beads at the end of each day [0.4] reckoning which calf was left abandoned in the savannah [0.4] lost from the herd [0.3] eaten by wild beasts [0.3] he checks that we are parcelled in equal lots [0.3] men divided from women [0.3] chained in fours [0.3] and children subtracted from mothers [0.4] when all things tally [0.3] he snaps the book shut [0.5] his creased mouth unfolding in a smile [0.3] as when [0.3] entering his cabin [0.3] mind heavy with care [0.4] breeding and multiplying percentages [0.3] he beholds a boy [0. 2] dishevelled in his bed [0.3] for months it seemed to speed me to a spot [0. 3] where my mother waited [0.4] wringing her hands [0.3] until i woke to find [0.3] only sea [1.1] months became years [0.3] and i forgot the face of my mother [0.3] the plaid cloth tied around her neck [0.5] the scars on her forehead [0.3] the silver nose which i tugged [0.2] made her start [0.3] nearly rolling me from her lap [0.4] but catching me in time [0.3] and when i cried out in panic of falling [0.3] pinned me tightly [0.3] always to her bosom [0.8] now i am loosed into the sea [0.4] i no longer call [0.3] i have even forgotten the words [0.5] only the moon remains [0.4] watching and loving [0.5] across a vast space [1.3] and then there's these [0.3] other passages are about the moon [0.3] sometimes [0.3] half her face grows dark [0.3] she sulks impatient of my arms [0.3] all my entreaties grappled in a storm of rain [0.4] nothing will soothe her then [0.4] she cries herself to sleep [0.5] or curves like a sickle that will wake the sky's throat [0.5] or curls her lip in scorn of me a mere unborn with insufficient cowrie shells [0.3] when others men [0.2] substantial [0.5] bespeak beseech her favours [0.3] with necklaces of coloured glass to loop around her breasts [0.3] men of presence [0.4] neither ghosts nor portent of a past or future life [0.4] such as i am [0.3] now [0.9] sometimes her cheeks are puffed [0.5] her face lopsided [0.4] and i think i must have blasted her in some lover's rage [0.4] my hand two centuries and more lifeless [0.4] clenched in quick hate [0.4] reached endlessly to bruise her face [0.4] she disappears behind clouds for many nights a sudden thought writhes [0.4] she might be dead [0.7] i might never subject her again [2.1] it was not her going [0.2] but the manner of it [1.0] like Turner's hand gripping my neck [0.6] pushing me towards the edge [0.3] that no noise comes from my mouth [0.5] no lamentation as i fall towards the sea [0.5] my breath [0.2] held in shock until the waters quell me [1.0] struggle came only after death [0.5] the flush of betrayal [0.3] and hate [0.3] hardening my body like cork [0.7] buoying me when i should have sunk and come to rest in the sea's bed [0.4] among the dregs of creatures without names [0.3] which roamed these waters before human birth [0.4] jaws that gulped in shoals [0.3] demons of the universe [0.3] now grin like clowns [0.3] tiny fish [0.3] dart between the canyons of their teeth [0.3] i should have sunk to these depths [0.3] where terror [0.4] is transformed into comedy [0.7] where the sea [0.4] with an undertaker's touch [0.4] soothes and erases pain [0.2] from the faces of drowned sailors [0.3] unpastes flesh from bone [0.4] with all its scars [0.4] boils [0.2] stubble [0.4] marks of debauchery [1.6] i gather it in with dead arms [0.3] like harvest time [0.9] we trooped into the fields at first light [0.6] the lame the hungry and frail [0.4] young men snorting like oxen [0.6] women trailing stiff cold children through mist [0.3] that seeps from strange wounds in the land [0.3] we float like ghosts to fields of corn [0. 4] all day i am a small boy [0.3] nibbling at whatever grain falls from my bro-, mother's breast [0.3] as she bends and weaves before the crop [0.5] hugging a huge bundle of cobs to her body [0.4] which flames in the sun [0.4] which blinds me as i look up from her skirt [0.4] which makes me reach like a drowning man gropes at the white crest of waves [0.3] thinking it rope [0.8] i can no longer see her face in the blackness [0.3] the sun has reaped my eyes [0. 3] i struggle to find her in the blackness [0.3] of the bottom of the sea [0.5] where the bright sunken treasure [0.4] barely cleeps keeps its glow [1.8] so that was part of that kind of search for [0.6] family and er [1.3] meaning and [0.4] trying to connect up to the cosmos again in terms of [1.0] kind of [0.2] you know the romantic thing about the love for the moon [0.4] and so the poem [0.2] continues over about God knows how many pages [0.5] until it reaches a climax [0.6] er [2.0] and i've always wanted to write something [0.3] utterly [0.2] utterly bleak [4.4] you see [1.2] i grew up in the eighteenth century which was the period of slavery [2.2] and the greatest poetry of the eighteenth century [0.6] is utterly [0.5] utterly bleak [1.2] the eighteenth century had a kind of eschatological imagination [1.4] you know [0.6] Hogarth's last print [0.5] is called Bathos [1.2] where the whole sun has collapsed [0.6] the whole world has collapsed art has collapsed [0.6] they really had a sense of [0.2] utter collapse in the eighteenth century [0.3] or early in the century you had Daniel Defoe's er [0.3] Journal of the Plague Year [0.9] where Defoe [0.6] imagines [0.7] that London is crumbling because of the plague [0.4] i think why they really had this kind of [0.4] eschatological imagination [0.4] was because there was a period of bourg-, the rise of the bourgeoisie [1.3] protection of property trade [0.7] you know perhaps they possessed [0.6] and so therefore they [0.3] the sense of loss in possession [0.2] was profound [0.4] anyway i was very influenced by the end of er [0.5] The Dunciad [0.6] this poem by bla-, er Pope [1.7] which ends in a way that you just have to you either have to jump out of the window [0.5] or you just have to kind of you know just hold your breath right [0.3] you know [0.2] thy hand [0.8] great anarch [1.0] makes the curtain fall [0.3] or it may be lets [0.3] thy hand great anarch [0.8] lets the curson curtain fall [1.3] let me say that again [0.8] anarch A-N-A-R-C-H right [0.4] thy hand great anarch [0. 8] lets the curtain fall [0.9] and universal darkness [0.5] buries [0.3] all [0. 8] [laughter] [0.5] i mean Jesus after that what do you do right [0.7] [laughter] er what do you do [0.4] that's the end of The Dunciad the great poem of the eighteenth century [0.8] yeah [2.8] right so i thought i'd have a go at being bleak [0.3] huh [0.8] so here is er [2.9] here is the er [1.2] here are the last bits [0.7] where he [0.4] he then makes up two sisters this awakened er African [0.7] who by the way [0.4] in the middle of the poem becomes an Indian [0.9] yeah [1.5] er [2.5] 'cause Manu [1.2] Manu his name [0.3] Manu is a god [0.5] in Indian mythology [1.0] er you're a Hindu you probably know this [1.1] Manu is the god of the flood in Manu is the Noah [0.6] of Hindu mythology isn't he [0.9] the jouti lay in different hands in different colours [0.3] we stared bleakly at them [0.3] and looked to Manu for guidance [0.5] but he gave no instruction [0.6] except [0.6] and his voice gathered rage and unhappiness [0.5] that in the future time [0.4] each must learn to live [0. 3] beadless [0.2] in a foreign land [0.5] or perish [0.7] or each must learn to make new jouti [0.7] arrange them by instinct imagination study [0.5] and arbitrary choice [0.4] into a pattern [0.3] pleasing to the self [0.5] and to others of the scattered tribe [0.6] or perish [0.9] each will be barren of ancestral memory [1.0] but each endowed richly [0.2] with such emptiness [0.5] from which to dream [0.4] surmise [0.4] invent [0.8] immortalize though each will wear different coloured beads [0.4] each will be Manu [0.8] the source [0. 3] and future [0.4] chronicles [0.3] of our tribe [1.6] the first of my sisters [0.4] stout [0.4] extravagant [0.6] i will name [0.3] Rima [1.1] even as a child she tempts fate [0.5] tempts the hand of my father blossoming at her face [0.4] but she will still deny the sin [0.4] and multiply his faith in her [0.3] the more she doubts the more convinced he grows of her purity [0.8] afterwards she bites into his reparation of jhal cakes with playful teeth [0.3] she will steal my spears my warriors my fortifications [0.3] she will interrupt the most careful of ambushes with a stomp of her feet [0.7] mashing down escarpments [0.4] gouging deep holes in the battleground with her unhewn toenail [0.4] i report her to my mother [0.4] who slaps me instead [0.3] for playing at killing [0.9] nor will my father heed [0.5] but turns his face to the earth [0.3] and hoes like a beaten man [0.8] he's been vanquished by her freedom [0.9] she is wayward [0.4] and sucks her teeth [0.5] talks above the voices of the elders [0.3] will not shield her eyes before them [0.7] when she grows up [0.4] she will love women [0.4] more fiercely than men [0.8] and die at childbirth [0.4] with her husband fanning her [0.4] and marvelling at the deed [0.5] the village idiot whom she married out of jest and spite [0.3] she is all the valour and anguish of our tribe [0.4] my beloved [0.7] and we bury her in a space [0.3] kept only for those who have uttered peculiarly [0.6] those who have guarded our faith by prophecy [0.4] who have called out in the voices of the hunter or betrayer [0.4] so we could recognize before [0.2] be [0.2] we could recognize them beforehand [0.7] and the women will come bearing stones [0.3] each one placed on her grave [0.3] a wish [0.2] for her protection against kidnapping [0.4] rape [0.6] pregnancy beatings men [0.5] all men [0.6] Turner [2.2] the first of my sisters i have named Rima [1. 3] i endow her with a clear voice [0.6] fingers that coax melody from the crudest instrument [0.8] melody that brings tears from men [0.4] even Turner [0. 4] who sits cross-legged before her [0.4] beguiled by song [0.8] afterwards he will go to Ellar the secondborn [0.6] whom he will ravish with whips [0.2] stuff rab-, rags in her mouth to stifle her the rage [0.6] rub salt into the stripes of her wounds in slow ecstatic ritual trance [0.4] each grain caressed and secreted into her ripped skin [0.5] like a trader placing each counted coin back into his purse [0.3] her flesh is open like the folds of a purse [0.4] she receives his munificence of salt [0.7] by the time he has done with her [0.4] he has taken the rage from her mouth [0.4] it opens and closes [0.4] no word comes [0.3] it opens and closes [0.3] it keeps his treasures [0.2] it will never tell their secret burial places [0.4] he is content [0.4] he has made her the keeper of his treasures [0.3] he unties her hands and lets her go [0.6] each night he sits in rapture before Rima [0.4] weeping [1.4] Turner [0.4] crammed our boys' mouths too with riches [0.6] his tongue spurting strange potions upon ours [0.3] which left us dazed [0.4] which made us forget the very sound of our speech [0.4] each night ap-, [0.4] aboard ship [0.4] he gave selflessly the nipple of his tongue [0.3] until we learned to say profitably [0.3] in his own language [0.5] we desire you [0.8] we love you [0.9] we forgive you [0.8] he whispered eloquently into our ears [0.3] even as we wriggled beneath him [0.3] breathless with pain [0.4] wanting to remove his hook [0.3] implanted in our flesh [0.4] the more we struggled ungratefully [0.3] the more steadfast his resolve [0.2] to teach us words [0.5] he fished us patiently [0. 3] obsessively [0.5] until our stubbornness gave way [0.4] to an exhaustion more complete than Manu's sleep [0.4] after the sword bore into him [0.5] and we repeated in a trance [0.3] the words that shuddered from him [0.7] blessed [0.8] angelic [0.7] sublime [0.6] words that seemed to flow endlessly from him [0.4] filling our mouths and bellies endlessly [2.4] and then the last passage between this er [0.8] stillborn child and this awakened African nigger it cries [0.7] loosening from the hook of my desire [0.8] drifting away from my body of lies [0.3] i wanted to teach it a redemptive song [0.9] fashion new descriptions of things [0.5] new colours [0.3] fountaining out of form [0.6] i wanted to begin anew in the sea [0.7] but the child would not bear the future nor its inventions [0.6] and my face was rooted in the ground of memory [0.5] a ground stampeded by herds of foreign men who swallow all its fruit [0.4] and leave a trail of dung for flies to colonize [0.3] a tongueless earth bereft of song [0.4] except for the idiot witter of wind through a dead wood [0.5] nigger it cries [0.4] naming itself [0.5] naming the gods the earth and its globe of stars [0.4] it dips below the surface [0.3] frantically it tries to die [0.3] to leave me beadless [0.3] nothing and a slave to nothingness [0.3] to the white enfolding wings of Turner [0.3] brooding over my body [0.2] stopping my mouth [0.3] drowning me in the yolk of myself [1.4] there is no mother [1.0] family [0.9] savannah fattening with cows [0.4] community of faithful men [0.3] no elders to foretell the conspiracy of stars [0.5] magicians to douse our burning temples [0.3] no moon [0.4] no seed [0.5] no priest to appease the malice of the gods by gifts of precious speech [0.4] rhetoric antique and lofty beyond the grasp and cunning of the heathen and conquistador [0.6] chants [0.3] shrieks [0.3] invocations uttered on the first day spontaneously [0.3] from the most obscure part of the self [0.3] when the first of our tribe awoke [0.6] and was lonely [0.2] and hazarded foliage of thorns [0.3] earth that still smouldered [0.4] the piercing freshness of air in his lungs [0.4] in search of another image of himself [0.9] no savannah [0.6] moon [0.5] gods [0.2] magicians to heal or curse [0.3] harvests [0.2] ceremonies [0.3] no men to plough [0.4] corn to fatten their herds [0.3] no stars [0.3] no land [0.3] no words [0.3] no community [0.9] no mother